Update

 The past few days have been a complete fuckery. I've gotten over my ridiculous agitation over J's new girlfriend. Yes, I still think about it, but now I don't really give a fuck. He was a total arsehole and the person I fell in love with didn't exist to begin with anyway. Sometimes I think about him, especially when I realize that it's now been 3 years since we met. So much has happened. So much pain from so many things but somehow it went by so quickly. I also get satisfaction out of J taking 3 years to date someone else. But that's another matter. 

So, what else has happened recently? Nana died but I am in complete denial over that. When it comes to death, I prefer to pretend that the person is just somewhere else, not in my reality. I wouldn't have seen her anyway whilst studying up north so I'd rather just slowly begin to notice her being gone over years, rather than acknowledge her gaping absence. 

I then ended up in hospital for four days last week. I felt as though I'd been hit over the head with a brick when I was coming back from the gym. It was a sudden pain that swelled overnight. I retched as I walked home and stuck my fingers down my throat in the hopes that throwing something up would relieve nausea. It didn't. That night I was shaking with cold. The air I breathed felt cold. The duvet surrounding me felt like ice. I kept rubbing my feet together; a normal tick I have when sleeping was instead used this time as a source of warmth. I awoke early, at around 6am, shivering and shaking. I made a cup of tea and hot water bottle, attempting to thaw myself. It didn't work. The cold and flu tablets were immediately thrown up and I took to 111 for answers. 

As instructed, I made my way to A&E with Zoe's assistance. The whole day was spent with me begging for blankets, crying hysterically on the floor in the waiting room, and desperately trying to get attention from a doctor. No one was listening to me or my pain. It was like no one could hear me. In an attempt to finally kick me out, a nursing assistant checked my vitals to give me the all-clear. Temperature of 39.4, extremely high heart rate, and low blood pressure. 

Things started to pick up from there. I was moved to clinical decisions where my temperature and heart rate progressively climbed. My head throbbed and it felt as though someone was stabbing my gut. I was rushed in for various tests and the first of four days in the hospital came to an end with me crying alone in a bed. 

I've recovered now and my life didn't seem to be in any extreme danger. I mean perhaps dehydration would have got the better of me but we'll never know. 

I met some characters whilst I was there. A hairdresser named Alana. She'd had sepsis and was since suffering from its complications. She was covered in tattoos, themed by her profession- a pair of scissors, a barber's pole, and a lock of hair. A girl named Philippa. Pip for short. She looked around my age but acted like a seven-year-old. To the point where I assumed she'd suffered a brain injury. She just had the flu. Then there was Hannah. I can't shake Hannah from my mind. A fresher studying Korean who'd been subject to spiking. She had no idea where she was. She didn't even recognize her own mother. 

I reckon I'll probably write a short story of some kind about it all this week. See how it goes. Take what I observed and add a touch of imagination. Oliver is picking me up from Hampton tomorrow and we'll make our way up to Sheffield. Whilst I have a busy week, I imagine I'll have time in the evening to sit and write. Got that master's portfolio to put together as well. 

Best, 

L