Liana writes...

  I had a dream last night. I was in a train station. There were several platforms, empty, yet I sensed the presence of others. I just couldn’t see them. The air was cold, the kind of cold that pierces your nostrils as you breathe in. Dusk had settled on the station and left the sky a hazy livid colour with a stripe of orange on the horizon that was slowly departing. I was hyper-aware of the sounds surrounding me. The electricity sparking against the tracks, a tap left running in the public toilets on the platform, and crows watching me diligently, occasionally breaking their silence to release a caw. Whilst a crow’s cry usually stings to hear, in this dream, its voice harmonized with the other sounds . I felt calm. At ease. I didn’t see the man approach. It was a sudden grasp around my neck and mouth. I didn’t even have time to breathe out. When he chooses, his movements are gentle. In that station of running taps, crows, and electrified tracks, he was silent. I tried digg...

My promise to myself of getting all my work done by Friday evening so I can have the weekend off is working out well. Treating Uni like a job rather than a lifestyle. I'm so sick of having to-dos and stress constantly lingering over my head. This way, I get to relax on the weekends and put time into my hobbies. Time to find the real me, improve the real me, and just generally feel better about everything. Sure, an empty two days results in an opportunity for depressive feelings and a low mood to harvest. That being said, this first attempt at a chill weekend has gone well. It's only Saturday afternoon though. I watched a few episodes of Netflix, read my book, and then studied some Japanese. Yeah, you read correctly. I actually studied Japanese. For the first time in four years. I thought fuck this. Actually, fuck this degree. I don't want to learn about fucking Nietzsche or the conjugations of traer. I don't give a fuck. Yet I need the degree. I will get my degree and I...

 The past few days have been a complete fuckery. I've gotten over my ridiculous agitation over J's new girlfriend. Yes, I still think about it, but now I don't really give a fuck. He was a total arsehole and the person I fell in love with didn't exist to begin with anyway. Sometimes I think about him, especially when I realize that it's now been 3 years since we met. So much has happened. So much pain from so many things but somehow it went by so quickly. I also get satisfaction out of J taking 3 years to date someone else. But that's another matter.  So, what else has happened recently? Nana died but I am in complete denial over that. When it comes to death, I prefer to pretend that the person is just somewhere else, not in my reality. I wouldn't have seen her anyway whilst studying up north so I'd rather just slowly begin to notice her being gone over years, rather than acknowledge her gaping absence.  I then ended up in hospital for four days last wee...